Nonsensical Life
all-four-cheekbones:

facts-i-just-made-up:

Genetically Modified Berry compared to Organic Berry:
Note that the modified specimen is bloated to about 3 times the mass of the common berry. Advanced rot has set in prior to maturity and tests revealed 78% more lactic acid in the modified organism.
Upon contact with the modified berry, the picker’s hands exhibited a rash which is clearly visible on the fingers and should not be mistaken for juice stains acquired during picking. While the common berry, of course, has no ill effects on the skin, the modified organism had an effect similar to poison oak and swelling set in shortly after the photo was taken.  The discoloration and pain lasted approximately 12 hours with treatment including Neosporin and Syrup of Ipecac.
At 16 hours the specimen went missing and could not be monitored for decay rates.  While the common berry remained, the modified berry was spotted the next Tuesday at the corner of Wallace and 12th St. Having grown another meter and a half, the genetically modified berry murdered two prostitutes and became the target of a cross country manhunt. It was last seen on February 20th in Boulder, CO where it has joined with several bananas from the Monsanto corporation and stolen at least two shotguns from the Boulder Police Department.
A manifesto was released online suggesting that the berries intend to strike at our nurseries, killing our young and replacing them with further modified organisms which we will raise as our own. They also intend to “free their enslaved brothers” by treating common fruits and possibly vegetables with mutagens.
The head of the FDA could not be reached for comment as he has gone missing. Only a glass of unidentified red fluid was found in his office, labeled “Extra Pulp”.

#I am so glad I kept reading

all-four-cheekbones:

facts-i-just-made-up:

Genetically Modified Berry compared to Organic Berry:

Note that the modified specimen is bloated to about 3 times the mass of the common berry. Advanced rot has set in prior to maturity and tests revealed 78% more lactic acid in the modified organism.

Upon contact with the modified berry, the picker’s hands exhibited a rash which is clearly visible on the fingers and should not be mistaken for juice stains acquired during picking. While the common berry, of course, has no ill effects on the skin, the modified organism had an effect similar to poison oak and swelling set in shortly after the photo was taken.  The discoloration and pain lasted approximately 12 hours with treatment including Neosporin and Syrup of Ipecac.

At 16 hours the specimen went missing and could not be monitored for decay rates.  While the common berry remained, the modified berry was spotted the next Tuesday at the corner of Wallace and 12th St. Having grown another meter and a half, the genetically modified berry murdered two prostitutes and became the target of a cross country manhunt. It was last seen on February 20th in Boulder, CO where it has joined with several bananas from the Monsanto corporation and stolen at least two shotguns from the Boulder Police Department.

A manifesto was released online suggesting that the berries intend to strike at our nurseries, killing our young and replacing them with further modified organisms which we will raise as our own. They also intend to “free their enslaved brothers” by treating common fruits and possibly vegetables with mutagens.

The head of the FDA could not be reached for comment as he has gone missing. Only a glass of unidentified red fluid was found in his office, labeled “Extra Pulp”.

#I am so glad I kept reading

  1. talus-the-broken reblogged this from thatoneartbitch and added:
    ever read something so genuinely dumbfounding you just can’t even think of a way to respond?
  2. nightview22 reblogged this from paintupurple
  3. cabaretclubs reblogged this from dragonsmay
  4. awesomeelf reblogged this from casuallyisannie
  5. dragonsmay reblogged this from moonfire8
  6. the-kings-grey-wind reblogged this from fem-me-fatale
  7. moonfire8 reblogged this from star-lorrd
  8. paintupurple reblogged this from callmemisterbenzedrine
  9. ayantiel reblogged this from stilinskihalefeels
  10. not-yours-not-sorry reblogged this from derekbringingsexybackhale
  11. buckygoddamnbarnes reblogged this from organicklainekisses
  12. saidthekitty reblogged this from wnslw
  13. colourofred reblogged this from sharkansas
  14. callmemisterbenzedrine reblogged this from derekbringingsexybackhale
  15. bananallama1601 reblogged this from sexually-repressed-fangirl
  16. eternalmigraine reblogged this from krolewnakurwa
  17. nonotswaggy reblogged this from arnericasinger
  18. polarstratosphericcloud reblogged this from clotpolesonly
  19. whogirl1299 reblogged this from bird--butt and added:
    For a little, I was freaked out. Then I saw who posted it
  20. silenceofthefangirl reblogged this from karlaakamsloki
  21. remember-redbeard reblogged this from keahukahuanui
  22. reyreydirtypile reblogged this from mynameisagent
  23. themeccaofmelanin reblogged this from steverogerspeepee
  24. expert-textpert reblogged this from queertzal
  25. captnamericuh reblogged this from eattingtherude
  26. gubnicub reblogged this from the-forest-of-big-ass-trees
  27. sexually-repressed-fangirl reblogged this from shannonisinwonderland
  28. hulkwillsmashforyou reblogged this from pansyprkinson
  29. serelinda reblogged this from shannonisinwonderland
  30. wnslw reblogged this from j4ya